| Patriarchy or rule by the fathers is as old as the Book of Genesis. The Patriarchs of scripture were the heads of their families. Many walked and talked directly with God. But as anybody knows who has read the Book, that doesn’t mean the women held no power. It takes a strong couple to start a family or a community, or populate a world. While biology dictates that much of a woman’s time and attention be directed toward child rearing and home building, she is not the only parent a child has or the only member of the family who should care about the home. Many seem to think that prior to World War II, women pretty much had the home as their sphere while men worked in the larger world, but they conveniently forget the multitude of tasks facing both men and women merely to survive in pre-industrialized societies. When I was a child, I watched my Granny, my father’s mother, make soap and candles, can food and make her own clothes. She also braided rugs and quilted covers for the beds. But, beyond that, since her husband had died, leaving her with two young children to support, she hand-set type for the local newspaper, took in boarders, and cooked in the school cafeteria in the winter and for the farmhands during harvest. The Worthy Woman of Proverbs, who was skilled both domestically and in business, was no abstraction to me. I grew up knowing and loving her as my Granny. My mother’s parents owned a dry goods store where they both worked long hours. My own mother was a more traditional housewife than either of my grandmothers had been, but even she divided her time between working at home and running the Linotype and keeping books for my father at his country newspaper. My parents had two daughters, and we both worked at home and at the shop. Given the choice, I generally chose the newspaper, and my sister chose the house, but often, it wasn’t a matter of choice. The work had to get done. My parents had a much more equal relationship than many people today seem to assume of their generation, and we all discussed politics, religion, education, and local affairs, often with more heat than light, but always with spirit. The big questions mattered, and all of us had opinions on them. Neither of our parents tried to tell us what to think. Daddy had the final word on disputes on family rules and behavior (what we did as opposed to what we thought), but Mother often did when it came to finances. Daddy wasn’t always prudent when it came to money, and I grew up thinking that it was normal to have separate bank accounts in a family. All our married lives, Frank and I have had a single account. First he managed it, then I did when he failed to keep good records, and now he has for years, since I tend to be the one who forgets to enter checks. Both of us have worked outside the home, except for a brief period when he was in the military, and both of us have pitched in around the house, dividing the load depending on who had the most available time and energy. In my experience, patriarchy has been more prevalent in the workplace than in the family. Most of my bosses have been men; Frank has worked for more women than I have. I've even been the boss a few times myself. Most churches I’ve been a part of have had men serving as preachers and elders but have encouraged participation and even leadership by women as well. My book Trusting Women includes the stories of women with varied experiences in church life. As I see it, most gender problems are the result of power. If a person is determined to exert power over others--be that person male or female--resentments and difficulties will follow. Christianity teaches us that we are to serve, not seek to be served. That we are to submit to one another and do all in our power to live at peace with each other. If that is the case, it won’t matter if we have rule by fathers or mothers, for no one ultimately will rule. |
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| Billie Silvey |
| Patriarchy |
| July 2006 |
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